yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
