God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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