Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
