I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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