so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
