the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
