It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
