Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
