His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
