I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We are two peas in an std pod
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
