hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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