So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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