so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
