What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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