I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
