Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
