were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
