I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
