one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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