Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
