i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
