Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
