I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
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Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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