So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
