You're completely useless in the revolution.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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