1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Randomize
