watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
