i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
