i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
