you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
