Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
