we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
