why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
