Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He better not be in your backpack
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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