So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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