I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
