Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
