I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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