Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
God I need to hump something, right now.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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