I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
