I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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