The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
