I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dick very happy bro
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
