Someone shit on the floor
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
