found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
