I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize