I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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