just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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