I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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