I love black thongs
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
