Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
