so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
