Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
