I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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