2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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