mondays should just be called national damage control day
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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