I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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