fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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