what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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